Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
