Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can Purell be used as lube?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
