Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
