my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
so much tequila, so little girl.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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