So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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