I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
