1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
