The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
