now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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