some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
