pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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