My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
