I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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