The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
