I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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