please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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