I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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