I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
