I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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