Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
