I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
