Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
