Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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