Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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