i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
