If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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