I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
