): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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