I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
