yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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