apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
