she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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