I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
