My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
