How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
this is an emotional support booty call
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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