I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
