the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
