Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
