Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
