For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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