My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
