69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
