Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
