i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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