May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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