It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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