Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
