Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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