I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
