you would pick up someone in the library
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
