dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
